In a marriage, arguments are a given. They must challenge one another, settle disputes, express their emotions, and decide on the best action. But only some argument strategies are the same.
Couples who frequently fight violently or repeatedly must reevaluate their communication and problem-solving strategies. They also need to learn how to fight “well.” Understanding the common mistakes couples make when in conflict is a promising start-up.
Frequent Mistakes
1. Criticizing
When partners initially doubt their partner’s humanity, arguments are more likely to become heated. Saying, “You did this and that, and my feelings are hurt,” and “You do that, this, and this all the time” are two different things.
Arguments inevitably escalate and become a much larger and more negative conversation than they need to be when criticisms of one partner’s behaviour turn into a discussion about that person’s overall value. Additionally, it causes defensiveness, which is the primary flaw in argumentation.
2. Loud Protesting
If you and your spouse cannot communicate, you might question why the stakes shouldn’t be raised. Maybe then they’ll get it and take you seriously. Therefore, you yell louder, have a worse tantrum, or change your tone from sniping to sarcasm to abhorrent name-calling.
Other options include getting others involved and punishing your partner by forgoing intimacy or sex. Couples regrettably end up arguing opposing stories and making an argument against their partner.
3. Hiding Vulnerability
If a couple’s connection is not genuine, they cannot be happy. Real love grows when one person shows the other who they are. Therefore, hiding one’s true identity will result in ongoing problems, conflict, and frustration.
This mindset also reveals a deep-seated lack of self-worth. Someone who tries to trick others is doubtful of their deserving of affection.
4. Desire to Change the Other
This is one of the attitudes that surface during the “advanced” phases of relationship conflict. However, rather than a genuine rejection of the other, this problem arises from nonconformity with oneself.
A person who is happy with their life and takes emotional responsibility for the things that happen in it does not try to change other people.
Ways To Refrain from Those Common Mistakes
A relationship conflict will be fruitful if both parties know what they need to improve upon, change, and prioritize going forward. Therefore, clear communication skills are crucial when expressing needs and dissatisfaction during a conflict.
Establishing a rule requiring a break when emotions are high is crucial. Setting “breaks” with the partner is necessary to stop the fight from getting worse.
Finding “who is right and wrong” is not always easy, especially when both parties are involved.
In any case, spouses should remember that settling a dispute is about achieving marital success, not taking something personally from the other party.
By describing the partner’s interests, you can ascertain the partner’s priorities and how they see the situation being resolved. It is very beneficial to have the ability to see things from the perspective of the other party. The foundation of empathy is this ability.
It’s crucial to come to certain conclusions after resolving a conflict in a relationship, including talking about the causes, emotions, and necessary adjustments. In addition, one must confess their sins to their partner, accept responsibility for their actions, and give constructive criticism.
Conclusion
Conflict in a relationship is inevitable. What matters most is how you deal with it when it inevitably arises. Avoid making the common mistakes many couples make that only end up hurting the relationship more.
Take some time to understand your partner’s perspective, be vulnerable with one another, and always communicate effectively. Doing so can help you overcome anything that comes your way and builds a strong, healthy, and happy relationship.
If you need ,in-person counselling in Fairview to handle conflicts better with your partner, West End Counselling Centre is here for you! We also offer couples counselling for partnered, married, separated or separating, and all other various stages you may be in your relationship. We can help you with communication, infidelity, trust, and more. Book a session with us now!
