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How Self-Esteem Counselling Can Strengthen Relationships

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Numerous studies have shown the ,connection between positive self-esteem and fulfilling relationships. Self-esteem has an impact on how we feel about ourselves as well as how we treat others, especially in close relationships.

How happy a pair is before dating will determine how happy they are after.

More specifically, even while this typically occurs for most people, those who begin a relationship with greater levels of self-esteem do not see a minor reduction in overall pleasure with time. Those whose self-esteem was lower, to begin with, experienced the biggest decline.

These connections regularly break down. Stress, emotion, and communication skills impact relationships, but a person’s personality and life experiences impact how these challenges are handled and the result of the relationship.

Read on to learn more about relationships and self-esteem and where to find self-esteem counselling in Vancouver.

How Relationships Are Affected by Self-Esteem

Your self-esteem will suffer if your family is chaotic while you’re young. You frequently lack a voice. Your demands and recommendations don’t get much consideration.

Parents frequently lack self-confidence and are unhappy with one another. They are not role models in these areas because they cannot cooperate, establish limits, be assertive, or settle disputes.

They may be callous, abusive, overbearing, distracted, intrusive, manipulative, or unreliable. They frequently disparage the needs, qualities, and feelings of their kids.

A child feels emotionally abandoned and thinks they are at fault. As a result, feeling unworthy of the approval of both parents. This results in the internalisation of toxic shame.

Sometimes kids experience fear, rage, or anxiety. They lack the confidence to be themselves, have faith in themselves, and value who they are. They learn to hide their emotions, tread cautiously, withdraw, strive to please, or even become angry due to the codependency and low self-esteem they experience as children.

Self-Esteem Is Reflected in Attachment Style

The degree of anxiety or avoidance in children’s attachment patterns might vary depending on their worries, shame, and low self-esteem.

Being too close or alone can be intolerable for some people, and both situations can be quite painful. If you’re anxious, you might put your partner’s wants above your own to calm and satisfy them.

You assume your partner wants less intimacy because you are fundamentally uneasy and preoccupied with the relationship.

However, when your needs aren’t met, you start to feel depressed. You also view situations negatively and predict unfavourable outcomes.

Low self-esteem harms relationships because it makes you hide the truth to avoid making waves.

Additionally, if you’re envious of your partner’s focus on other people, you might disregard demands to stop calling or messaging so frequently. You mistakenly distance yourself from your lover by trying to reassure them frequently. You both end up being unhappy.

As the name implies, avoiders remove themselves from their partners by acting distantly, such as flirting, making independent judgments, misusing substances, neglecting their partner, or misjudging their wants and objectives.

Relationship conflict results from this, which the worried spouse frequently expresses.

Avoiders then withdraw even more since they are continuously alert for any attempts by their spouse to gain control or limit their independence. Both counselling self-esteem strategies encourage successful partnerships.

Self-Esteem Expression Through Communication

In dysfunctional households, no strong communication skills are necessary for close relationships. They promote self-worth and support the upkeep of a healthy relationship. They include having the confidence to talk and listen with openness, clarity, and concision.

It would help if you articulated your needs, desires, and feelings clearly and concisely. You must also be able to set boundaries. It is more important and difficult to employ these talents in intimate relationships.

Assertiveness is frequently difficult for codependents. They simultaneously suppress their emotions and wants because they were reprimanded or ignored as children. They consciously suppress their thoughts and feelings to avoid offending or alienating their partner and running the risk of criticism or emotional abandonment.

They rely on mind reading, questioning, caring for, blaming, lying, criticising, skirting issues, or ignoring or manipulating their spouse instead. These techniques were developed due to poor communication in their childhood homes.

This, however, is a problem in and of itself because it can result in conflict that escalates and is marked by attacks, finger-pointing, and withdrawal. Walls are built to limit access to enjoyment, closeness, and openness. The attempts of one spouse to form a deep relationship with a third party may occasionally jeopardise the marriage’s stability.


By changing how you connect with yourself and other people, you may be able to reduce shame, boost your self-esteem, and change your attachment style. Healing toxic guilt from childhood requires working with a skilled therapist.

The finest option for improving relationship satisfaction is to receive counselling in Fairview from West End Counselling Centre. Even if one person opts out, it still benefits if the other one does. When only one spouse receives treatment, the couple’s relationship and general enjoyment often increase. If not, the customer is more likely to stop communicating or accept the current situation since they feel better.

West End Counselling Centre provides in-person & online counselling for anxiety, relationships, depression, ,self-esteem counselling in Vancouver, trauma, family, and more. Evening and weekend availability in our Vancouver clinic. Book a free consultation!

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