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Telltale Signs That You Have an Avoidant or Unavailable Partner

Couple in argument

Relationships can be a source of immense joy and satisfaction, but they can also be a source of frustration and confusion, especially when you have an avoidant or unavailable partner. An avoidant or unavailable partner is someone who is emotionally distant, has a fear of intimacy and commitment, and may prioritize their independence over their relationship with you. In this article, we will explore some telltale signs that you have an avoidant or unavailable partner and how to deal with the challenges that come with being in a relationship with them.

1. Lack of Communication

One of the most significant signs that you have an avoidant or unavailable partner is a lack of communication. They may be distant, aloof, and not interested in talking about their feelings, thoughts, or emotions. They avoid answering your calls, texts, or emails and may not initiate conversations with you. They also avoid discussing important topics or issues that arise in your relationship, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.

2. Emotional Distance

Another telltale sign of an avoidant or unavailable partner is emotional distance. They may seem detached, uninterested, and unresponsive to your emotional needs. They are emotionally unavailable, meaning they are unwilling or able to provide you with the emotional support and comfort you need in a relationship. They may also hesitate to share their emotions and feelings with you.

3. Avoiding Intimacy

Avoiding intimacy is another sign that you have an avoidant or unavailable partner. They shy away from physical touch, such as hugging, holding hands, or kissing. They are likely to avoid sexual intimacy and may be hesitant to take your relationship to the next level. They also have a hard time expressing their love and affection for you, which can leave you feeling unfulfilled and unloved.

4. Fear of Commitment

Many avoidant or unavailable partners have a fear of commitment. They may be hesitant to make long-term plans with you, such as moving in together, getting married, or starting a family. They are noncommittal in their language and actions, leaving you unsure about the future of your relationship. This fear of commitment can stem from a fear of being vulnerable or getting hurt in a relationship.

5. Prioritizing Independence

An avoidant or unavailable partner may prioritize their independence over their relationship with you. They may value their alone time and personal space more than spending time with you. They are also hesitant to merge their lives with yours, such as sharing finances or living together. This can create distance and disconnection within your relationship, making it hard for you to build a strong and lasting bond.

6. Difficulty with Vulnerability

They often struggle with vulnerability. They have a hard time opening up and sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings with you. They may see vulnerability as a weakness and may be afraid of being judged or rejected. This can make it challenging for you to build a deep and meaningful connection with them, as vulnerability is a crucial component of emotional intimacy.

7. Self-Centered Behavior

Another sign of an avoidant or unavailable partner is self-centered behaviour. They may prioritize their own needs and wants above yours and may not be interested in compromising or making sacrifices for the sake of the relationship. They are also insensitive to your feelings and may dismiss your concerns or needs. This can create a power imbalance in the relationship, where you feel undervalued and unimportant.


Overall, having an avoidant or unavailable partner can be challenging and frustrating. If you have noticed any of the signs mentioned above in your relationship, having an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you feel is essential. It is also important to recognize that their behaviour may be due to their own fears and insecurities, and it may take time and effort for them to overcome them. Ultimately, deciding to stay in the relationship is up to you, and you should prioritize your own emotional well-being and happiness.

If you and your partner are hoping to tackle your avoidance issues through ,relationship counselling in Vancouver, look no further than our services here at Blue Sky Wellness Clinic. We offer in-person and online counselling for anxiety, relationships, depression, self-esteem, trauma, family, and more. Feel free to book with us today for a free consultation!

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